Childhood Emotional Neglect Therapy for Women in Fort Wayne, Indiana
Sometimes there are painful experiences we go through that cause us to shrink away inside of ourselves, and begin to downplay our own feelings and their validity. We then become fearful of taking up space and expressing our innermost thoughts and feelings. It can sometimes be difficult to trust our own judgments and believe that we are worthy of love and being invested within. These experiences often begin within an earlier period in our childhood development and are reinforced by what’s known as: Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
Common thoughts of someone who experienced early childhood emotional neglect might look something like:
“I’m probably overreacting.”
“I shouldn’t bother anyone with my problems or feelings.”
“I should be able to do this on my own.”
“Other people have it worse … I shouldn’t complain.”
These thought trains have sometimes been with us for so long and can feel so familiar that it’s hard to imagine a reality where you ever felt differently. You may have needed to adopt these belief systems at a very young age in order to survive neglect and abuse from caregivers and other primary attachment figures.
Was I Emotionally Neglected as a Child?
Perhaps there were times in your life where you felt invisible to those you loved the most. Their attention and affection felt ever elusive, regardless of what you did to try and capture it. Their gaze was fleeting, detached, and non-present.
When you experienced intense emotions you were met with: anger, resentment, threats, punishment, or a cold indifference.
Maybe the few times you felt noticed by your parents in childhood were when you got good grades at school, did an extra chore around the house, or shoved your emotions down like “good” children do.
Maybe you started to believe that these emotions were “bad” and felt like you needed to become more adept at hiding them from others to keep yourself safe.
This may have resulted in a general discomfort in experiencing your emotions in your body, as well as being vulnerable with others.
It might have started to feel safer “mentalizing” them – (spending lots of time trying to “figure your emotions out” rather than truly “feeling them”). There was safety in the mentalization because it created distance between younger parts and overwhelming feelings that weren’t safe to be expressed in your family of origin. This protective mechanism never meant you were broken … you were actually experiencing chronic abandonment and neglect by primary attachment figures.
As a child, you may have felt like you didn’t have many people you could trust or rely on. Empathy was a rare bird that was difficult to find.
Maybe the only person you could lean on was yourself.
You got things done on your own. But the painful emotions you had no outlet for, formed a desire to escape them. Maybe through doom-scrolling, self-harm, binge-eating or restriction, overloading your schedule, and much more. This then lead to difficulties identifying, expressing, and regulating emotional content in adolescence and later adulthood.
You maybe started to choose relationships where you felt “needed” rather than “seen”.
This birthed droves of non-reciprocal relationships where you’re chronically: over-giving, under-receiving, remaining unseen, subtly manipulated, and left with chronic confusion about your own judgment and perceptions of reality. You may also possess heightened fears regarding rejection and abandonment. These dynamics often mirror earlier attachment wounds with prior caregivers.
Meaning, we are seeking what we are most familiar with – not necessarily what is healthiest or most life-giving for us.
How Our Trauma-Focused Approach Seeks to Transform these Patterns
Gain clarity about why you think the way you do and what these patterns are rooted in.
Better understand, express, and experience your emotions (and the catharsis that emotional releases can bring to those who feel chronically distant, dysregulated, or numb inside).
Not shutting down as much or feeling as overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions
Feel worthy of care, love, and attention
Reprocess past trauma, so that you can embrace: freedom, joy, and new ways of coping within your life journey
Improve access to self-compassion and emotional connectedness within your body & mind
Communicate needs openly rather than suppressing them
Less fear about having closer relationships
Able to trust your own thoughts, emotions, and decisions
Come to a better understanding of who you are and what you value, so that you can begin fully embodying a life that is deeply aligned with your personal values, goals, and dreams
You Deserved More — Support Starts Here
For What You Learned to Carry Quietly