Childhood Emotional Neglect Therapy for Women in Fort Wayne, Indiana
Sometimes there are painful experiences we go through that cause us to believe lies about ourselves. Some of these lies might sound something like:
“I’m completely worthless and am undeserving of others’ attention and affections.”
“If I take time for myself and don’t pick up the phone right now to answer this call, I’m a bad friend.”
“I won’t ever be good enough, especially to those I deeply love the most.”
These self-deceptions can become so embedded within our psyches that we sometimes don’t notice how untrue they actually are. These distorted belief systems often begin formation within an earlier period in our childhood development. They are often reinforced by what’s known as: Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN).
Was I Emotionally Neglected as a Child?
Perhaps there were times in your life where you felt invisible to those you loved the most. Their attention and affection felt ever elusive, regardless of what you did to try and capture it. Their gaze felt fleeting, detached, and non-present.
When you experienced intense emotions you were met with: anger, resentment, threats, punishment, or a cold indifference.
Maybe you started to believe that these emotions were “bad” and felt like you needed to become more adept at hiding them from others to keep yourself safe. This may have resulted in a general discomfort in experiencing your emotions in your body, as well as being vulnerable with others.
It might have started to feel safer “mentalizing” them – (spending lots of time trying to “figure your emotions out” rather than truly “feeling them”). There was safety in the mentalization because it created distance between younger parts and overwhelming feelings that weren’t safe to be expressed in your family of origin. This protective mechanism never meant you were broken … you were actually experiencing chronic abandonment and neglect by primary attachment figures.
As a child, you may have felt like you didn’t have many people you could trust or rely on. Empathy was a rare bird that was difficult to find.
Maybe the only person you could lean on was yourself. You got things done on your own. But the painful emotions you had no outlet for, formed a desire to escape them. Maybe through doom-scrolling, self-harm, binge-eating or restriction, overloading your schedule, and much more. This then lead to difficulties identifying, expressing, and regulating emotional content in adolescence and later adulthood.
Maybe the few times you felt noticed by your parents in childhood were when you got good grades at school, did an extra chore around the house, or shoved your emotions down like “good” children do.
You maybe started to choose relationships where you felt “needed” rather than “seen”. This birthed droves of non-reciprocal relationships where you’re chronically: over-giving, under-receiving, remaining unseen, subtly manipulated, and left with chronic confusion about your own judgment and perceptions of reality. You may also possess heightened fears regarding rejection and abandonment. These dynamics often mirror earlier attachment wounds with prior caregivers.
Meaning, we are seeking what we are most familiar with – not necessarily what is healthiest or most life-giving for us.
How Our Trauma-Focused Approach Seeks to Transform these Patterns
Gain clarity about your own thought processes – (why you think the way you do)
Bring subconscious belief systems to light so that you can begin embodying adaptive belief systems over cognitive distortions, which may have been reinforced by past adverse events
Reprocess past trauma through EMDR & other trauma-focused modalities, so that you can embrace: freedom, joy, and a new role within your life journey
Improve access to self-compassion and emotional connectedness within your body & mind
You once found safety in isolation … you now find safety in connection with self & others
Come to a better understanding of who you are and what you value, so that you can begin fully embodying a life that is deeply aligned with your personal values, goals, and dreams
You Deserved More — Support Starts Here
For What You Learned to Carry Quietly